Am I not attracted to my husband anymore?

Kind of a weird question, now sure how else to word it. Initially I wasn't attracted to him when we began dating but just being around him and loving his personality I felt I was, and felt very attracted to him. But nowadays (a couple years later) I just feel so indifferent. I don't have that feeling like "I find him so attractive". I do NOT find him unattractive. Am I bored or something? Thing is I've never felt this way with anyone I've been with. I was with someone prior to him for years and years and never felt this way. Is it that we are both very comfortable? I don't know. I just don't feel that spark of attraction to him. I don't feel "excited" about him. What I feel is something I've not experienced before and just am curious what it means. We both are always with each other for the most part, I don't know if it's that we never get to miss each other. He tells me I'm gorgeous all the time, so I figure he doesn't feel this way. Just curious to some insight. I do miss the excited attracted feeling I used to have.

4 Answer(s)

People fall madly in love, thinking (feeling rather) that it will last forever and is enough for a serious relationship. However, it’s very hard to live on an emotional high for very long. Eventually we start to come down from the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, typically after around 18 months to three years (people vary of course). If couples are friends, discuss their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partnership. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage, for example, requires a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility. If a strong friendship is not in place, the relationship will probably peter out eventually - or worse. Quite often we fall in love because we are lonely and allow ourselves to be won over by anyone who takes an interest in us. Thus we give away control to somebody else if we are not careful. This is another reason for taking things very slowly, and really getting to know someone before committing ourselves or getting too emotionally or sexually involved. Sex can be emotionally bonding, which is disastrous if the other things are not there: strong friendship, similar values and standards, common interests, etc.

If everyone read books like Dr Phil McGraw's excellent, Relationship Rescue they would get a deeper insight into how relationships work and learn to be much happier! (I wish I got commission, as I recommend it to so many people!). As he writes in the book, it isn't only or people whose relationships are in trouble. There are other books, of course.

Beyond the fact that we have no idea why, because we don't know you, what you're describing is pretty normal. Marriage tends to become routine, as any long-term relationship can, and the excitement wanes. Hopefully, there are other more important aspects to your relationship with each other that will keep you together.

Infatuation always ends. Crushes always end. But that doesn't mean the love has to end. Decide if you still want to be with him or not.

you need to tell him about this so he can make an informed decision about how to handle the situation